Navaratri for Menfolk

Maybe I should not make a general statement. It may differ from person to person.  For me Navaratri is the period when I am at the receiving end of instructions day in and day out. Here’s just a day shared. 

‘I say,’ the lady of the house calls me in a raised voice from kitchen to be heard in the Master bedroom where I was reading newspaper. ‘I have placed an order for over a dozen items with Amazon; each is arriving at different times. So be sure to stay home. But don’t make that an excuse to skip your walk. Do it in the corridor. Got it?’  “Yes Ma’am - with right foot first or left?” 

‘When our domestic help comes,’ she resumes after a pause, “ask her to cut pumpkin; tell her it is for sambar – not in too small sizes as she did last time; then beans, for curry and a tomato or two for rasam. “One, or Two? be specific” I asserted, unwilling to accept unclear orders - and be blamed later. “Okay, just one if it is a big tomato, otherwise two.”  Not enlightened any better, but no point in rubbing it in. “If she has time,” she continues, “ask her to peel pomegranate.’ 

‘You can jot them down the items if you like. You have knack of missing some. The other day you forgot to tell her to peel sambar-onion, consequently we had to make-do with rasam the next morning,” she quipped not let go any opportunity unavailed.

“Ah, also make sure she dusts sofas, furniture, windows and doors. You know I have invited guests for haldi-kum kum for tomorrow evening.  You recall when we moved in, we enjoyed a reputation for keeping our house spic and span. We would rather live up to that, at least when we know in advance someone is visiting.”  

“I just remembered the coconut bulk-supplier will come to collect money. Tell him he has billed Rs 5 more per piece than what he quoted,” she said.  “On second thought,” wisdom dawned on her, “I wish you don’t take it up. Just pay his bill. After all, only last week we decided not to bargain with small-time operators.”

‘Ah, by the way,’ she hurried back as she was closing the door for her first visit, “I forgot to invite Ms A for haldi kum kum. Please do a copy-paste and send an invite to her.’ “Which A? There are two,’ I quipped. ‘The fairer one,’ she replied. “I have seen only one of them; so, I don’t know who is fair and who is fairer,” I insisted. “OK I will do it myself. No point in arguing with you.” she closed the door that had a tinge of bang.

“There are a few new OTT releases,” I just managed to reach her before she actually closed the door.  You will be away for three hours at a stretch, so shall I watch some?” I asked.  “Why on earth?” she quipped.  “We will watch them together, don’t you feel? You can now watch news and Youtube and get a clearer picture of GST, Vote Chori, Caste Census, the $ 100,000 fee for H1B visas,” she passed the verdict before closing the door. 

Half-way to closing the door, she opened it again. “The gas stove is on; I have kept cooker. When it whistles twice, just put it on sim for a while and then switch it off. ‘I say, did you hear me?’ She repeated. ‘Yes, Ma’am.’  ‘Then why didn’t you nod so that I know it has registered,’ she persisted. ‘Ok, hereafter I will give you in writing, Ma’am.’

Just before she closed the door in full finally, I interrupted. “How about going out on a vacation for next Navaratri? I asked. “You don’t mean it,” she quipped with a stare that conveyed – don’t ever dare suggest being away from SFV during Navaratri.

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