What's in a name?

(Hindustan Times 20 May 1983)


Thus asked Shakespeare realizing little that there is Everything in a name. Years ago, for daring to spell the name of my Branch Manager as Mukherjee, I got a note: "I am not Mukherjee. I am only Mukerjee. (That he marked my name on the envelope as Shundaram, is a different story). In another instance, when I prounced the name of a person by his spelling, I almost lost a gift he had brought for me. He was one Mr. Cockburn (pronounced Coburn). Thereafter, I am very particular to distinguish Som Prakash from Som Parkash, Subramaniam from Subrahmanian, or Arora from Aurora.

Not only are the names very important: namedropping is equally so. A friend of mine was working as secretary to a politician. Whenever the politician had visitors, he would call his secretary and start dictating to him: "My dear Panditji", "My dear Morarjibhai", "My dear TTK". Soon a permament shamiana had to be erected in front of his house to seat the increasing number of visitors.

In Mahabharata, Yudhishthira announces "Ashwathama Hathah Kunjaraha" (Ashwathama has been killed, the elephant) and misled Drona, whose son's name was Ashwathama. Thus, names can also cause mix-up, intentionally or otherwise. Take for example, my own experience. The other day I received a telephone call from a lady: "Hello, Sundaram, I am Miss.. speaking. So, how is the booking now?" Having never had to go at any booking business, I asked her: "Excuse me Madam, I am a slow starter, but could you tell me what kind of booking you actually mean?" "Come on Sundaram, don't joke. I rang up to enquire the booking of Mr.. Is his route confirmed?" Only then did I realize that she had wanted to talk to Travel Sundaram, the new arrival. I explained the position accordingly. "Oh, I see, so you are the other Sundaram?" she asked. "Not exactly. I am Sundaram, and he is the other Sundaram." I clarified, unwilling to dethrone myself in favour of the new Sundaram. " Well, then can I say that he is Travel Sundaram and you are Stationary Sundaram?" she suggested, trying to be jovial. I wanted to give her a befitting reply, but my presence of mind failed.

Anyway, the result is that I am working underground to establish a Namesake Association on the lines of the Baldies Club, The primary objective would be that in any office if more than one person bearing the same name is employed, a namesake allowance will be paid, similar to the officiating allowance. Right now I am enlisting the co-operation of the Kapoors, Khannas and Bhatias in the North and the Ramans and Krishnans in the South. Desais and Patels will cover the West; and Chatterjees, Mukherjees and Banerjees will take care of the East. I pity my brethren from Bihar where the decision to take surnames out of circulation from the official records will render Mishras and Sinhas poorer than their counterparts elsewhere in the country once this allowance is effected. Of course, if Sardarji also claim that each of them is being called "Mr Singh" and not as Bhupinder, Jitender or Narender, then the implementation of the Namesake Allowance will suffer a set back; it will have to be put off until the next financial year to provide for a colossal financial outlay.

After achieving success at the national level, we will concentrate on the international community. We will solicit the cooperation of the Smiths and Joneses, and see to it that this allowance is extended to every Tom, Dick and Harry.