Journalism in the year 2000

(Hindustan Times, 4 April, 1983)

The National Media Convention, held the other day, did not include an important item on the agenda. With the turn of the century round the corner, they should have discussed the shape journalism would take in the year 2000 AD. While many guesses can be made on this, here is one version.

A separate Ministry of Journalism has been established, headed by a Minister at the Cabinet rank. The Ministry is housed in a skyscraper, named, 'Paradise'. Independent departments function for writing, editing, printing, etc. but the flourishing ones are those of pseudo-journalism, yellow-journalism, plagiarism. A skeleton staff man sub sections on development journalism and 'success' stories.

After delivering the fatal blow in the 80s to the Press Bill, the Press has achieved yet another major breakthrough. This time, in the name of 'watch-dog of democracy', they got the Officials Secrets Act abolished. Now, not only are they allowed access to every document (Defence not excluded), it has also become mandatory that a copy of every 'Strictly Confidential' letter should be endorsed to the Press. The demand that the Pressmen should be above the law is awaiting judgment at the highest court of law. (However, in the event of a negative judgment, all 'attacks' have been mounted, ready for release at short notice).

Whenever a conference of importance is held the Pressmen, nay newspersons, will be allowed a free bar, with an inexhaustible supply of liquor. Adequate precautions have been taken to keep the security staff or the secretariat members away from even smelling range.

Some of the internal wrangles have also been sorted out through a memorandum of understanding. For instance, an arrangement has been made whereby whenever a reporter attends a function at which complimentaries are distributed, he will accept them only in pairs - one for himself and the other for the sub editor at the desk, teamed up with him. That sub editor, in turn, will cease to butcher the stories of the reporter and, instead, will pass them with minor OPD surgery.
Matrimonial columns are on the increase. Every newspaper claims that in every third house, the match-making has been done thanks to that particular newspaper. Several dailies have come up and the competition has become so tough that as incentive to retain readership, presents are delivered at regular intervals along with the newspapers. Magnifying glasses top this list, with the print-size having reached an all-time low point!

Responding leniently to the laments of readers that too much of in-house news is being passed off as news of public interest, the newspapers have agreed to publish their staff news - marriage, birth, retirement, death, etc. - on a separate page. Notwithstanding this, the various difficulties encountered by journalists, such as to get cinema-tickets on a holiday from a 'house-full' theatre, continue to be worthy of a box-item.

Journalism has become a much sought-after profession, relegating medical and engineering to the backward. Hence several institutions have sprung up all over the country. The one in Karnataka leads in capitation fee, here too. In tune with the Navy advertisement. 'Join the Navy and see the World', the new slogan on journalism is ' Join Journalism and Enjoy One-Upmanship of Life'.

Speaking for my estimable newspaper, Khuswant Singhji's words continue to be the last on Pakistan, Urdu and Wine. Women is no longer his forte. Rajinder Puri Sahib has earned a title, 'The Inimitable Jeeves', M/s Raj Chatterjee and P.L. Bhandari are busy accepting invitations from various institutions for guest lectures on how to write a Middle. Meanwhile a chap, bearing the initials of VVS, backed then possibly by an experience of two decades and his in his sixties, is still struggling to write a Middle worth the name.