Obituary - A Mother in law and Mother Combined

On Thursday, 14 July,  morning, the news of the passing away of Amma, as we all called my mother in law, came as a shock. Lalitha and I were in fact closing windows, doors, taps, gas connection, and  checking electrical points. In the next five minutes we were to board the Innova that was on its way to our place with my two sisters and their husbands heading for Guruvayoor, 

Amma was 90-plus, and was in a reasonably good health, able to find her way to the bath room or dining table, sit for a while in the balcony and enjoy the bounteous Nature as she chanted her innumerable collection of slokas. Failing memory, a frail body and a few age-related issues did take their toll though, but the radiance in her face or tejas stayed undiminished till the end. She was undoubtedly a noble soul, and we would miss her. The only silver lining is that her death was peaceful - she just did not wake up from sleep in the morning.

I can’t say the take-off of my relations, or attachment with her was on a happy note. I just had two days to spend in Kolkata after my marriage, and was keen to roam around the city hand in hand with my wife. But alas, that was not to be. She sent us packing to the ten brothers of my father-in-law, and an equal number of his cousins, spread all over Kolkata, to seek their blessings. Not just that. As we boarded the taxi to Howrah station, she sprang a surprise -  she joined us to see us off at the station. But only en route did I realise it was a ploy. She had the taxi stop at all popular as well as wayside temples for a quick darshan, of course for a long happy married life. At one point I felt I might miss the train and whispered to the taxi driver, when alone, to rush straight to the station, but of no avail. She probably anticipated that and had already negotiated with him. 

It took me a while to realise that she was like a horse with a blinker - focused fully only on her children, families and their welfare. For her nothing existed beyond that. With a solitary  son among seven daughters, her love, affection and concern for him knew no bounds, . Thankfully he returned them in equal measure, if not more. A perfect case of an exemplary mother with an exemplary son.

With Moorthy Anna, my father in law, being the sole middle- or upper middle class bread-winner, she denied her seven daughters none of their aspirations: two pursued Bharata Natyam and performed in stage too,  one learnt vocal music, and another violin...  At home, what might have appeared to the daughters then as punishment, with being assigned various household chores such as  cleaning, washing, cooking, frequent ad hoc shopping, turned out to be a blessing in disguise in their married life as each of them excelled in all  these spheres and ensured domestic bliss and proud homes. And the credit, again, goes to her for having inculcated in them the sense of values, turning them religious-minded  and make her sons in law feel proud of their spouses. In the bargain, of course, she leaves behind a legacy for us to emulate.

May her noble soul rest in peace.

V V Sundaram

16 July 2016